You Don't Have To Earn Rest: Unlearning Productivity Guilt

Making Peace with Rest in a World that Worships Busyness

It feels like a familiar pattern that shows up in the therapy room (and one I can also recognise in myself): feeling guilt about resting.

Maybe it shows up like this: You’re trying to rest, but your mind is racing and going over the long to-do list which eventually gets so uncomfortable that you get up and start folding the washing or organising a drawer. Rest feels unproductive when there’s always so many other things that need to be done.

Or maybe it shows up the other way around: you’re feeling overwhelmed by all the things you “should” be doing, can’t to pick where to start so avoid it by spending hours scrolling on TikTok. And then feeling guilty about it. So not getting the benefit of either; not getting the things you want done but also not feeling particularly rested either because you’ve been in conflict with yourself for all of those hours with the narrative “I should really get up and do something now”

There are other ways this can present, but do either of these sound familiar? They seem to stem from the same belief that resting is unproductive but show up in different behaviours; doing to ease the anxiety or complete collapse.

Where does productivity guilt come from?

Hustle culture

We live in a culture where slowness isn’t valued or praised. Maybe your workplace really places an expectation of staying late or being constantly available, even outside of working hours. Maybe being constantly “on” has become the norm.

Social comparison

Or maybe it’s more subtle: your social media feed is plagued with highlight reels of people out socialising every day, parents filling every day of the holidays with trips and crafts, endless workout routines and perfectly pristine houses. And then the comparison comes in. Subtly absorbing the belief that “other people are doing it all, I should be able to too.”

Like the little shame pricks on Monday morning when a colleague asks what you got up to at the weekend and you feel uncomfortable saying, “nothing” without the caveat that you were unwell.

Internalised messages

Sometimes these beliefs go further back through messages received in childhood around being “good”, helpful or productive.

We can internalise these beliefs like, “If I’m not doing something, I’m being lazy” or even “If I’m not being helpful, I may not be accepted.”

What it costs us

Not including rest in our days can cost us a lot.

Chronic stress or burnout

Constantly being on the go can lead to chronic stress or even burnout. It can also result in disrupted sleep (ever relate to the concept of a revenge bed time procrastination?).

Disconnection from joy

We can begin to feel disconnected from ourselves. When we never allow space to ask what we need, we can lose touch with what brings us joy or pleasure. This can perpetuate the cycle of needing to do more, because when we check in with ourselves around what would feel good right now, we don’t know. Which can feel pretty uncomfortable, so we do more.

Never feeling good enough

When our sense of worth and safety relies on doing, the goalpost will always be moving and may never feel “enough”

Reframing rest as a need, not a reward

When we deny ourselves rest, our bodies will take it for us.

Ever notice how you tend to get sick following a particularly stressful period? Have you ever had the thought that you kind of like being sick because it’s the only time you have genuine permission to do nothing without guilt?

We don’t have to completely collapse to deserve a break. Rest is not something to be earned. Which might sound like something you’ve read on social media, but it’s worth sitting with.

Question, have you ever looked at a loved one and thought, “I love them because they’re always busy, they do so much.” You may admire this quality in them, but do you love them because of it?

4: Try this: rest without earning it

Take the pressure off yourself.

There will always be things to do. Maybe allow one or two non-negotiables in the day. The rest can be “would be nice”s, and if they don’t get done, we won’t berate ourselves for it.

Create a rest or self-care menu.

 I like to organise this into low, medium and high (effort or time, whichever you prefer). As our needs change day to day, this allows you to select something from the list to meet yourself where you’re at. Sometimes energy might be low and you need something energising like a walk or a one song dance party. Other days, you might want to meet that slowness with slowness like a bath or meditation or journalling. Allow yourself to add or take away from the menu as you please.

Example:

Low: Lie down with eyes closed, dance to one song, 5 minutes stretching

Medium: Go for a walk, meditation, journalling

High: Screen-free afternoon, call a friend, long bath

Conclusion

Rest doesn’t need to be earned. It’s a biological need, not a reward. By unlearning the guilt attached to stillness, we make space for real rest without apology. Can you shift your perspective that rest can also be productive?

What if you didn’t have to wait until you were exhausted or sick to slow down? What if rest could be part of your rhythm, not just a last resort?

What restful thing can you do yourself today?